Different :)

Well, this post is going to be a far cry from one of my posts from just the other day.

Turns out, that guy wasn't who I thought he was. And, surprisingly, I'm okay with that. This is the first time in a long time I've been able to get over someone so quickly. I mean, I guess it isn't THAT quickly considering the back-and-forth I put myself through thinking about it. But normally after admitting defeat I would sulk for a few days...months......well yeah I would basically be a mess for awhile.

Not this time.

This time, I'm putting it behind me. Why should who I like dictate how I live my life? The days when I'm happy or the days when I'm sad? Why should one person decide those emotions for me? They shouldn't.

Easier said than done, right? Right. I of all people would understand that. I think the last time I didn't have a crush on someone was in the "boys are icky" stage of my life. Since then there's always been someone.

However at the moment, I can honestly say that I'm not stressing about it. Why do I want that added stress on me? (Believe me, it's a lot of stress). It's actually a very freeing feeling not having someone to crush on. It isn't what you focus on during the day and you're able to get more things done, tolerate more people for longer periods of time. I enjoy it :)


I'm at a point in my life right now where being single is the best thing for me. And by single I don't just mean not in a relationship I mean fully single, not worrying about having a boyfriend or even hooking up. It doesn't exactly interest me right now.


But that's right now. You know me. This could change tomorrow ;)


XOXO
Jessie

Keep Calm And.....

So recently I've been kind of going off the deep end with people. I've just got a short fuse and I don't know why :/

Sometimes taking our own advice isn't as easy as giving it out. It's easy to see the rational reaction to something when you're on the outside looking in.

When it's you you're in control of?....not so much.

I think we all tell ourselves that we know better than other people or would react differently in a given situation. Truth is, we have no idea how we would react.

Think about it....how many times have you seen someone doing something and judged them for it? Now think about how many times that you, in one way or another, have done the same thing. I know you'll be honest with yourself even if you aren't honest out loud.

My pastor talked about judgement the other week at church. He quoted the bible in saying that before you point out the speck in someone else's eye, you should take the plank out of your own. (A rough quote by me). Please tell me I am not the only one who immediately thought of SOMEONE ELSE I could tell that to? Haha, kind of ironic isn't it?

I try to keep love your neighbor in my mind always. But, of course, no one is perfect. We will all judge each other harshly at some point although it's not our place. The important thing is that eventually we realize that we were wrong and we seek forgiveness.

Now I don't necessarily mean forgiveness from the person we have wronged. As I said, we are all human and cannot expect another human to be capable of complete forgiveness. Only God can do that. And in the end, he's the only one who we need to forgive us.

One thing I need to work on is my anger lately and extending my very, very short fuse. I need to keep calm and...insert whatever I can do at the time here. What's something you can work on with yourself? Ponder that with God this week.

Thanks for reading
XOXO
Jessie

I Must Be Bipolar...

You know it's gonna be the lamest post ever when it can only start with one sentence...

So there's this boy.

Yep, I'm going to annoy you all with this shit. Sorry I'm NOT sorry.

Ugh. Guys, I don't know what the hell is going on with me. It's like I'm stuck. Stuck going back and forth. I am so bipolar with this situation it just isn't funny. 

This boy - this STUPID BOY is the kind of boy who won't text you back forever. Like he will seriously wait 3 days to text you back. And then what? I don't even remember why I even wanted to talk to you in the first place!!! But of course you're gonna have ONE full convo with me that's really sweet :) & when we actually hang out? Sweetest guy ever. No joke. Outgoing and just...great. Texting? Not so good at it. So of course this dramatic change in demeanor forces my mind to go crazy on me. As if I wasn't already crazy enough.

Here's how it goes, guys:

Day One: We hang out for couple of hours.

Yayyyy so much fun he's so great :))))))))))))))) I think there might be something there?!!?!?!??!?!??!??

Week One: It's okay if he doesn't text me right away because we just saw each other and everythings great! Woohoo!

Week Two: Am I texting him too much? He works a lot so I guess he just doesn't have the time. But the least he could do is think of something better to say than "k" like for real? Are you kidding?

(One word texts annoy the shit out of me if you didn't already know. I once thew my phone across the room after getting one. Wouldn't ya know, it was from this guy too....)

Week Three: He's such an ass I can't believe I ever liked him like seriously he's probably got like 5 other girls he hangs out with not to mention he is SO NOT over his ex. I'm just not good enough that's what it is. He'll never like me and even if he does I'll never know he's too shy to tell me or act like it when all we do is text. -cue friends telling me I should just call him or try to hang out with him more and whatnot- okayokay I'll do it, they're right........Oh wait I'm too much of a pussy, that's right. FML. Can't deal with thissssssss I hateeeee myyyy lifeeeeeeeeeee

Week Four: 

"Wanna hang out tonight?"

"Be there at 12"

-hang out-

He's such a sweetheart :) seriously nicest guy I've ever known like I'm so ridiculous for thinking all that stuff about him LOLOLOLOL @ ME.

REPEAT. Literally.

Mmmmhmm betcha thought I was kidding about the bipolar thing, right? NOPE. Completely cereal. I'm not sure how I'm going to break this vicious cycle, but I guess I'm gonna have to figure it out. Because I'm making myself dizzy going back and forth.

Merr.

xoxo

Jessie

Being "That Age"

For all you kids who can't WAIT to turn 18....don't sweat it. Life is not so great when you're 18. What can you do? You can buy cigarettes and pretend you're parents can't control you (but good luck paying for college and a place to live without their help!) You can't buy alcohol, and you most definitely cannot find any damn clubs that you can get into without a fake!

What brought these thoughts up? Ohhh nothing just walking around the east side for an hour trying to find an 18+ club that my friend and I could get into. No such luck. Being 18 sucks. You THINK you have all this freedom but in reality, you have nothing more than cancer and a false sense of adulthood.

Yes I am quite bitter towards my age tonight. I have a blister between my toes from my shoes that kills, dirty feet, and all for nothing. God, how I hate it when people say this but.....SMH. I have never said FML so much in one night before!

Sorry for the rant, but I had to put this out there. This all being said, anyone know of some 18+ clubs that are good to go to? I am not trying to wait until I'm 21 to enjoy myself. Let me know! :)

XOXO
Jessie

Baby Part Two

"Baby" Part Two: Inattentive Driving


So you would think I would have learned after getting into three accidents with a cement pillar in a parking lot I would be a very cautious driver. Yes, that's right. Three accidents. Once with my mother's car, once with my dad's car, and once with my own car. Needless to say I don't park in that lot anymore, and I AM more cautious when I park. However, I have always been very nonchalant when it comes to driving.


A month or so after "Baby" part one happened, I was on my way to a Young Life small group at Andrea Morgan's house. (see Andrea's blog here: http://www.kandamorgs.blogspot.com/) it was a typical Sunday. I went to church with my family and was a helper in our twos and infants room for second hour. Gotta love the little ones (:

Later that day I did homework and contemplated whether I reallyyyy wanted to go back to school tomorrow or not, as I do every Sunday. And, as usual, I decided I did not want to.* At around 6:30 I left the house to go to Andrea's for our girls' cabin time. Andrea lives pretty close to my house, just a straight shot down North Ave mostly. She also lives pretty close to my old house where I lived from the time I was one year old until I was 16, so it wasn't like I was going to get lost on the way or anything.

I drove down North Avenue about a block and, as usual, was stopped at the first red light. And so to pass the time, I took my eyes off the road. You all know what I'm talking about, and don't you dare judge me because I know for a fact that most of you have done it at least once while driving.

They say that most accidents happen within a mile of your home.
They aren't kidding.....



So I'm keeping myself busy waiting for the light to change, and out of the corner of my eye I see a green light shine. Perfect! I think. So instead of looking up and then moving forward as I should have, I just went forward.
My car has a pretty good acceleration on it evidently.
Apparently that green light, was simply a left turn arrow and my light was still red. Crap.

So I accelerated straight into the bumper of the car in front of me.
My mind went blank. Was this really happening? I had never been in an accident with another car before.

So, having no clue what to do, I followed the lead of the short, heavier looking woman who I had just rear-ended. She got out of her car, I got out of my car (forgetting to put my hazards on of course). Since my mind was still blank, I couldn't think of anything to do besides start apologizing and crying...Pathetic. This woman probably thought I was 12 years old or something.
Thankfully, although she was mad she was nice enough to not start screaming at me or be mean at all really.

She called the police, I called my mommy.
Both came around the same time and the cop directed us to a parking lot near the scene. Of course, I received an inattentive driving ticket (although I did not say exactly why I was not paying attention. Texting & driving tickets are hundreds of dollars...oops I just admitted to lying. Stay in school kids!).


It's been a very long time since then and I have yet to have another accident. I don't text and drive anymore especially when I have someone in the car with me. It's one thing being told about the dangers of it, but it's another being involved in an accident because of it. You just feel like an idiot. The whole thing could have been avoided if you had just been paying attention.


Don't be idiots guys, don't be me. Don't let it take rear-ending someone or worse for you to realize that it's a dumb idea. Be smart. This is your life and the life of whoever you're driving. If you think you're grown up enough of know how to drive well, you should be grown up enough to know that text can wait.


Sorry for the public service announcement! Next time I'll make a commercial ;)
Love you guys!
XOXO
Jessie